Friday, February 17, 2012

Peer Response Entry 1 (Week 5)

This is a response to David's Calisthenic Entry (http://dillidg1sjournal.blogspot.com/2012/02/calisthenics-wk-5.html)...
This is quite funny. I really enjoyed the second character especially when he said that ultrasound gel was like a giant hocked a loogie on someones stomach. This was written exactly as conversations happen in reality. The first character, who can't tell jokes, also made me laugh because that's the same with me...I can never really get the joke quite right and end up ruining it in the end.
However, I don't think that you need the "As if his response wasn't enough to let you know he wasn't listening" part. This seems a little vague and just doesn't quite fit with the rest of the piece. I think you could rewrite that sentence to be something more like "The pencil seesawing on his nose and eyes glazed behind my right shoulder showed that he really wasn't paying attention to what I was saying."

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