Today in class we were discussing Tone and had a couple of sentences with groups of words that were terrible tone words. Our assignment was to take the sentences and create better tone. BUT- we had to use one of the bad tone words.
The sentence that I chose that had bad tone was: "She yearned for escape, for oblivion, for release from her despair."
What I changed it to was: "Sarah fidgeted in her blue plastic chair, eagerly watching the second hand tick by at the pace of molasses, itching to crawl back into the solitude of her polka-dot bed and succumb to the reruns of Jersey Shore, the only safe haven in the black hole of a world."
My bad tone word was safe.
Or another one is: "Her deadly glare tore open my helpless spirit, and I wept in agony."
I changed it to: "The teenage embodiments of angry demons slouched in their seats throwing shards of glass with their eyes."
My bad tone word was angry demons.
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