myapple
myapp
letsmefind
placestogo
toeat
myapplease
bequiet
tryingtosleep
whileeating
myjuicy
deliciousapple
brightredcolor
pesticidefreegleam
makesmesmile
smilebright
smileright
milerightoffthehighway
totheorchard
wheremyapp
letsmeyap
andfind
my
own
apple
I tried doing this yesterday but it just looked like a big, old mess so I stopped to save everybody from having to read it.
ReplyDeleteTotally genius the way you split apple into “app” and then added the ‘t’ for “let.” It took me a minute to catch on but when I did I thought it was so clever! Then in the second stanza when you wrote “myapplease” I got like ten different things from that line. “myapplease” “myapplease” “myapplease” I definitely think that was the best line because of the various way you could read it.
However I’m not sure how the “tryingtosleep/whileeating” works in the piece, it seems like those lines veer from the rest of the work. I think you could cut “whileeating” because it makes the reader stop and wonder how someone is sleeping and eating at the same time.
The part where you are lead off the highway to the orchard where you are able to find your own apple...what does that represent? I find this most intriguing...is it just another apple, or is it symbolic of something else? Excellent imagery.
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