Translation Response Week Three

This is a response to Ashley's translation problem from last week regarding Moira Egan's back-translation project. Find the whole post here.

" Parthenocissus tricuspidata

   I see another
tree in the dark garden and
     I think it must be
     a weeping willow,
but when I ask, he says: No,
     it is a laurel
     bound in an immense tangle
of ivy that from it is hung.
     one that does not do
     harm to the host, but hangs
symbiotically, and that’s enough
     for posing poetic.
There goes
another dismal illusion,
     I say, and he laughs. "

My response:

I find a lot of the choices here extremely interesting, especially what to do with lugubrious. I, too, changed the word because it sounded too clunky, too syllabic. But the interesting question here, is why we both kept “symbiotically” and not “lugubrious.” For me, “symbiotically” was much more of a technical term that offered more to the piece than “lugubrious.” It offered something about the speaker, that they would know a lot about symbiosis and how it works. But in the same sense, lugubrious does that as well. I liked the fact that you chose “dismal.” It offers another connotation to the illusion that one may not get from lugubrious. Dismal makes the darkness continue. It allows for a sense of sadness that comes from your word “tangle,” which I admire as well. Tangle and maze are two very different words and I like the confusion and frustration that comes from “tangle.” I kept “maze” because it made this relationship seem orderly, and that’s a reason why I chose “elegiac” to replace “lugubrious.” You mentioned changing to “tangle” for that chaotic connotation, but doesn’t that directly contradict the idea of symbiosis? The “pose poetic” was rough for me. I like what you did with the “posing poetic,” making it seem like it’s a facade, but that also kind of contradicts with tangle, while still working with dismal and symbiotically. I really admire the fact that you stayed really close to the transliteration. I think the poet in me tried to go crazy. I also admire the fact that you kept the title. I forgot all about the title, and I really enjoyed your rational for keeping it. Personally, I agree with the idea that it offers a commonality across all translations and languages. I like the fact that most languages derive from one…It makes everything seem so much more accessible and that, in a way, everything is within our reach.