This is an improv off the concept that Katie Chaple used, the concept of taking something in the news and using it as a triggering subject: I read an article today about some sort of video taken by an iPhone of the Mayan pyramid which showed a light beam coming from the top.
End of Days
A photo taken in seconds.
The quick click click captures
our end of days.
The stream of light emblazoned
in the memory of the iPhone 4.
Can the mesmerizing glitch symbolize our doom?
Now, photoshop dissects,
studies each pixel and the saturation sensor
wondering if their never failing software failed.
Meanwhile, the human race paces,
on the edge of their pyramids,
waiting to tumble off the edge
and watch ruins emerge from the lightbeams of Heaven.
What a cool piece!
ReplyDelete"A photo taken in seconds" - how many things happen quickly, without serious thought, that nowadays becomes viral or vitally important. I like the "emblazoned light memorializing the iPhone 4." This part makes me feel like there could be something happening here with serious undertones but it all seems a little silly when your proof comes in the form of an iPhone.
Then you have people studying these images like Jesus burns on toast, trying to use math and statistics to determine reality - when the reality they should be focusing on goes unattended.
My favorite line is "Meanwhile the human race paces,/on the edge of their pyramids,/waiting to tumble off the edge/and watch ruins emerge from the lightbeams of Heaven."
For some reason this reminds me of the Meat Puppets song Plateau...
I actually like what you’ve done in imitating Katie Chaple’s poem! I haven’t heard about this but I had to look it up after reading this because I find junk like this interesting. I actually like the extra ‘click’ you added in the second line but I think the rhyming and quickness of it helps the reader to zip through it. I think the second stanza is a really nice imitation of the last stanza of ‘Pretty Little Rooms.’
ReplyDeleteThat was a very emotive text, particularly the 2nd stanza, but also an overall good job.
ReplyDelete"The quick click click captures" sounds very good when said out, but perhaps the second 'click' is unnecessary? It's even faster when that is removed, but I like the sound of it either way. "stream of light" sounds accessible, as if the two words were too intertwined already. Light should stay, for the sake of the poem's motive, and a more interesting word than stream put in its place. I enjoy the sound of the word "glitch", it's sharp, and works very well in-between the two slower words, like the middle-click of a slow metronome.
I like how common photoshop has become in our daily life that it's now not even capitalized, like velcro or post-it, good use of the word. "the saturation sensor" feels kind of extraneous, is it really necessary? you could mix it with 'pixel', like "each pixel's saturation" or something like that. I like the last line very much, it evokes a nice image, made me think of The Last of the Mohicans, don't know why.
Minor grammar hiccup when reading, shouldn't it be "on the edge of its pyramids."? I don't know for sure, I tend to write like that myself, but it jumped at me. Also, the two stanzas being different lengths confused me for a bit there, but that's just a personal preference for symmetry, not a criticism.
Anyhow, I like what you did with Katie Chaple's idea, well thought!