Critical Commentary Post One Week Seven

This is a critical commentary off of Kelsey's Improv 2 Week 7 "The Colonel."
What she wrote:

I can look past the boxes in the living room that cover
the fake hydrangea on either side of the fireplace, and see the same house
that was here at Christmas. That was six months ago.
Mom says she pretends you're spring cleaning.
My sister picks up a box of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figures,
the inside all red and cushioned reminds me of a casket.

I didn't walk up to the front of the church at first, I sat in the second-to-last pew
so I couldn't see inside the casket. Did you know I finally
made it up to the front and snuck glances towards the coffin?
I didn't think so. Did you know I didn't see you there?
I thought not. For a second I entertained the idea that you were still in bed complaining about your leg. 

What I wrote:

I love this scene. It is full of specificity and high registered language. I specifically love the line "for a second I entertained the idea that you were still in bed complaining about your leg." The only critique about that line, for me, was the length. It began to sound a little wordy, and I think it was because of the word "entertained." Maybe if it was "for a second, I thought you were still in bed complaining about your leg," it would be a little quicker paced. For a later draft, I would like to see more about the relationship between this speaker and the subject. I understand that this person is a close family relative, but I want to know more intimate details regarding the relationship: what kind of things happened here at Christmas? What is the importance of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figures? Why was it so hard for the speaker to go to the casket? This detail would add to the specificity and create another layer of tension in the piece.