This is a response to Isaiah Hinsley's post Image Junkyard 3 Week 2.
What I wrote:
Isaiah,
As I’m reading your junkyard posts, I find myself both
intrigued in your subjects and wishing that you would allow yourself to
take a couple more minutes and lines to really expand upon specific
sensory details. For instance, take the line: “Every time I hear a
trumpet I just get in a good mood” can turn into something so much more:
Every time I hear a trumpet, my face morphs as though (and you insert
something that makes people happy that is surprising.) In this way,
you’re not telling the reader how you feel, but more showing them. I
love the line “The trumpet is like a good joke,” because it opens a lot
of doors for the piece, but following with “it’s going to make you
smile” seems expected. I’d love to see a little pushing of the limits as
to what makes the trumpet a good joke. Is there a punch line to a
trumpet? Is there a science behind a good joke? Could there be a science
behind a good joke? Allow yourself to take some risks, especially on
something as cool as a trumpet as a joke because I have never heard that
before, but I want to know more.
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