As our tour guide talks about the importance of the architecture,
I watch you with a blue cross body bag, making the sign of the cross
and kneeling in front of a small shrine for Mary.
The man next to you dangles a camera from his wrist as he adjusts
his Hard Rock Cafe: Amsterdam shirt and scratches his stomach. He almost hits you.
As you glance up to the candles to Mary's portrait, I almost hear your prayer
and whisper one of my own. Entering into your world, I disrupt the solitude,
apologizing for this man, for me. I'm sitting in a foldable lawn chair in the back.
Instead of saying "entering into your world" I would just cut that all together. the reader knows that you have entered into her world because it is obvious that you are close enough to her where you can "almost hear her prayer". Over all I really like this piece. It's tittle makes it almost seem like a love letter. I personally would dropped the beggining about the tour guide and just give the setting of the church. or if you decide to keep it maybe say something like "As the tour guide speaks of the archetecture, my mind and eyes drift to the woman with a blue... blah blah blah." Idk, just someting that pulls away some of the attention to this opening that I dont think is very significant to the piece other than creating setting. I really like it though and I appreciate the detail.
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