This is an improv off of "Mock Orange" by Louise Gluck.
What I did was take words/small phrases from the piece and create my own piece.
The premise of union-your sealing orange
glow, telling me to light something
so I can be like you. The yard mocks me
and my decision, splits into a drifting
odor of resentment and paralyzing
thought of foolishness, but I tell you,
nothing will complicate us. Nothing
but the man will send me into the mouth
of a different yard. I tell you, you're mine.
Tay-Tay,
ReplyDeleteI like the aggression, the forcefulness of declaration--though it comes in the remaining four lines of the improv'. Why not break away from Gluck's poem, now that you have the improv' chipped, and work on a solid draft? Since setting and context are greatly lacking in this improv', I think the best place to start might be with pinning both down--as much as possible--first, then build your way up from that foundation. I do imagine you could, and of course this is just a suggestion, create some interesting tension: this improv' is (or so seems) front-loaded with an impressionable, submission speaker; whereas the speaker in the last four lines is strangely antithetical. But why? What's really going on here? What's at stake? I think the evolution of this speaker is important. That is, what do I need to know of/about the speaker in order to understand the volta? Again, if you were to make a draft out of this improv', the canvas should be breathable, be larger, with a conscious narrative.
I'm totally diggin' this one. There are several lines that I want to steal. (#noshame?)
And so it goes,
Syd