This is an improv off of "The Waking" by Theodore Roethke. I found that the original poem (a villanelle) is 19 lines with 10 syllables and alternating rhyme scheme (and repeating lines every other stanza). I know that was a very complicated observation I just made, so why don't you click on the poem here to see for yourself what I was trying to say.
But anyway, I really liked the line "I learn by going where I have to go." It mimics my thoughts about life. I tried to capture that in my improv. I have no idea if it's right. This is my first attempt at form.
I learn by going where I have to go
without a map, my guesses guide me there.
I itch to find you, however slowly,
but I travel as the river below,
and the road leads past the forest bare
yet covered in something now new to know
like my plane, pasta, a pen's ink flow,
all etched above a block's furry glare
I itch to find you, however slowly.
While my hand glides, like the waves below
without a bump or rock yet to weather,
you uncovered something now new know
at the block, where my road forks what to do,
like the pasta tied up with food to tear,
and I itch to find you, however slow.
my combination: my box and my bow,
wrapped perfect and I understand its fair-
why I itched to find you, however slow,
now I'm covered in something new to know.
Now, I know you said you were waiting to get ripped apart for this, but for your first ever shot at trying to write a poem in form, this is not bad. I still find form incredibly intimidating and have only messed around with bits and pieces of it. I like the small amount of substitution you did in the repeating lines, which helped to keep it from so strictly adhering to the rules of the villanelle. I think it also allowed you some breathing room when experimenting with this form. And like that Roethke poem we read in class, the moments where he veers from the form forces us to focus on those substitutions.
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